Regardless of how I might seem, I am okay. Put the phone down, you don’t need to panic.
What is not okay, is dating in your 30s. Now, I am still trying to figure out if it is my age that is the problem or just the modern era.
My parents raised me to look beyond a person and give everyone an opportunity, to judge a person on their actions and how they treat others. Grateful for this but it seems somewhat outdated. The full spectrum of online dating starts at a basic yes/no App all the way to a comprehensive one.
The premis it seems to me, is really simple regardless of the complexities in the various online websites/apps. It falls down to the decision of if you fancy that person or not. Which kind of trains us all to be extremly shallow.
To be realistic, you need to be attracted to someone before you delve deeper in to them and take it further. You literally have to judge a book by its cover. A product of this I think has lead to everyone naturally developing how fussy they are because it is so easy to swipe left for no and right for yes.
The next step on finding a “match” is getting to know them through messaging. Annoying. I hate texting. Let me ring you. What, ringing is so 2006? I’m old? Stop ringing you? You are calling the police?
I mean blimey, it’s not socially accepted to ring, it’s considered creepy. So now I have to try and decrypt a girls messages and tone. I then have to reply in a timely manner but not too quick, can’t come across keen.
By this point I’m exhausted with all the rules. What happened to just meeting someone and getting that excitement, that buzz, or thinking, Yes, I like this human.
Maybe I should stop referring to people as humans…?
It really is better to date someone you have met prior I think which leads me to my next problem, where do you meet someone?
Have you ever approached someone in a coffee shop and asked to join them? Maybe you complimented their eyebrows? (Strong compliment to go with, Girls love their eyebrows like guys love their hair). Have you ever asked a girl for her number in a coffee shop? Or on the street? Oh that’s right, of course not! Because unless you look like brad Pitt you get pepper sprayed.
Jesus Brenda, at least thank me for calling your eyebrows fleeky.
It is fleeky, right?
How about a nightclub I hear you, (the voice in my head) say? Loud music and too many people. 😂🙈😩
Basically a bar is really the only time it seems both acceptable and appropriate to approach someone you find attractive.
Good job Bry drunk is not a complete disaster. Lucky me.
Picture the scene, or just go Red Door on a Friday;
Me: “Hi, I noticed you from across the way, can I buy you a drink?”
Girl: “What? I don’t need you to buy me a drink”
Me: “Thanks, this was fun. Have a great night”
Also Me: “Bartender, 19 shots please” *sobs*
At some point I will probably accept the inevitable, I am going to have 9 dogs and they will be life companions.
It’s a crazy world but for now I think il avoid the pepper spray, cut back on the shots and practise my winking! 😉
Wait… what about speed dating..? Maybe!