Tango Tango, Mayday

In my second year of University I started working as a PR. The promo company I worked for grew and grew until they became what I would consider the biggest in the city. Every year they had the same theme night out for all the lads who worked for them. Bad Christmas Jumper, which was a long bar crawl. It was always heavy!

Anyway fast forward a few years, I had graduated and secured a position on the career ladder. The job I had at the time meant I worked away a lot. 

Having worked for and then became good old pals with the lads that owned this firm I used to attend some of the big shindigs such as the bad jumper themed nights. 

By this point they had an expected attendance of 30-40 lads at this shindig. One of my friends suggested, since I was so pale, that I got a spray tan. Why not I thought, I bet I look great with a tan! 

The day of the nightout and I’m driving back from Northampton, I call my friend and ask him who I can get this spray tan from and he recommends one of the girls who works for him. He made the arrangements and gave me the adddress.

I turned up at Liverpool Hopes main campus in Childwall or as I called it, Hogwarts. Same sex dorms. I sat in my car, knowing what was a head questioning if I really wanted to go through with it. I dug deep and got out the car, Abby was there waiting for me.

Abby lived on a same sex form on the second floor that was essentially a long corridor with dozens of bedroom doors on each side and there I was, suited up walking down with my suitcase whilst all these 18yr and 19yr old girls are giggling at me. I felt anchient.

We got to her room, which typically was the opposite end of the corridor and she had pitched a giant spray tent in the centre. I needed a shower before anything was about To go down and guess what, shared showers. Grieving! 

I can’t be the only person who sings in the shower, right? Well maybe if I am going to use someone else’s shower I probably shouldn’t sing and by sing bellow. What can I say it was a good shower! However, it did bring a lot of unwanted attention to me. Wrapped in my pink towel and clothes folded up I left the shower to a group of giggling girls. Mortified. They all started to singing my song taking the piss out of me. Still, I smiled, immediately sucked my stomach in and tensed. Towel instantly dropped.

Fortunately, I caught it but not half at the expense of any pride I thought I had! 

Nightmare.

In the tent waiting for the spray, I had rolled my boxers up. I refused to wear the cotton panties ! Layer after layer after layer. I wasn’t content until I could see the difference.

Quickly got redressed, paid Abby and I was out of here. Home, changed, crap jumper and to CaVa to meet everyone! 

All the lads complimented me on my new complexion, all gleefully happy that it wasn’t a disaster. I was made up.

Too good to be true though wasn’t it, Abby had failed to tell me (or I had not listened), that I was meant to wash it off before I went out. So my brown went browner until orange until poof, I was an umpa lumpa!!

Sweating in a busy nightclub, constantly touching my hair and face left for extreme patches! 😂😩

I woke up the next day In what was white sheets, figured I had scored and she loved the fake tan only to be disappointed, this was my only doing. Horrendous.

It took half a dozen showers and until I got it off and literally I had to grow out my nails as it wouldn’t come off! 

Lads, a spray tan isn’t the answer, embrace your skin complexion. Own it. Be a Moon Bather like me!

Bry x

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