Schools Out

As we travel together on this journey of my past, I think of School or at least, I try not to think of School. This was supposed to be a crucial time of my life, defining my future and the pinnacle of child hood happiness.

Bullshit, who ever said that, lied. For me, I basically look back with relief it’s over. Puberty forgot me and my head grew much quicker than my body, I was an easy target. 

Literally, my head to body ratio was way out, I was very easy to see.

I mean look at that head! Look at that poisture! Why are we group hugging! Very questionable ! 🤦🏼‍♂️

I didn’t quite fit in any where but for the most, got on with everyone. Most weekends consisted of everyone lying to their parents about where they were, when in fact everyone was at a park in Laceby, absolutely shit faced. As we got older, a few of us would regularly host house parties which always got out of hand. Way out of hand.

Would love to say that your boy Bry was a hit with two ladies here but it would be an emphatic lie! More like ‘non gay, gay best mate’. Or, maximum friendzone level.

School was mainly was trying to avoid offending the overly sensitive tough crowd who would happily have a fight to demonstrate their strength, avoiding answering questions in class because if you got it wrong the clever lot would snicker and finally, trying to convince girls to like me. If this wasn’t typical school life for everyone than I clearly did something wrong! I mean seriously, how were they meant to be the best days of my life? 

In fact, life is basically out of the frying pan and in to the fire.

Maintain a popular social stance in school whilst acing your exams, to then have to make sure the rent is paid on time.

I can remember at the start of college, one of the lads venturing over to mine regularly and we would move my family computer to my bedroom, so me him and him could sit next to each other playing counter strike and talking to girls on MSN Messenger. Not just any girls I might add, we both, had a particular girl we where after. The plan was simple really, I would talk to the girl he liked about him and he would talk to the girl I liked about me, whilst sat next to each other, negotiating each response. All efforts in vein I might add!

MSN Messenger, now there is some nostalgia. Signing in and out to get that girl you like to start talking to you, the birth of Emojis and if you was really lucky, webcam! Those were the days of chat rooms and “ASL”, wow, growing up was cringe! 😂

Now I suppose the one thing a lot of people who attending school with me, will remember something other than my unusually large head, the party I left. 

“Left”, is probably a kindness to me. 😂

What nobody really understood back then, nor should they, I was a bit sensitive. I was also having a bit of trouble at home, which was a bit confusing. None the less, my legend of a mother let me throw a party. We had a gazebo up in the back, everyone brought sleeping bags and booze, it was great. I remember it as if it was yesterday (unfortunately), it was a spring night, warm air and everyone was having a laugh. 

My dad came home that evening, he was extremely displeased that girls and boys were staying over in a giant tent, to be fair, 17 year olds drinking and sleeping in a giant tent, Looking back I can understand why. Anyway, me being the overly emotional teenager that I was, did not take my dad yelling at me in front of all my friends, in fact most of the people from my year in school, very well. I did what any irrational, over sensitive teenage self would do, I ran away.


My parents used to live on one of those new build estates with a public pathway adjacent, so naturally in to the wilderness, in to hiding. 

To begin with, I was genuinely upset. I needed space. Eventually it became a game and I clearly thought I was James Bond or some sort of Black OPs commander. 

               The thrill of the chase…

I recall being chased in to a garden and hearing, think we have him, he has no where to go. Ha, rookie mistake. On to the wheelie bin effortlessly launching myself over the hedge. I literally couldn’t repeat the manoeuvre if my life depended on it. I am still slightly proud of that, it was truly worthy of a place on my CV.

Not long after I had lost the many groups of people looking for me, I was camped between some small trees off a beaten track  and my mum pulled up. A large group of people from my school, confused trying to explain to my poor mum, that they had seen me but apparently I had vanished. I am not proud to say that I was pleased with myself at the time. 

My mum was really worried, what a little shit I was!

I eventually decided to call it in and used my newly developed Special Forces skill set to get home…via the back garden fence. 

Arguably, I brought life and entertainment to that party. Certainly unforgettable! It’s a shame everyone who attended didn’t quite see it that way. 😫🙈

As you can imagine, the first day back at school after that was a real hoot for me. 😭

It’s bad enough having to go through the battles of growing up, let alone contributing to them.

30 years of age and school seems a distant memory. It’s crazy to think of all the things I worried about that were so irrelevant, I hope in another 15 years I don’t look back with the same hindsight. 

To summarise me at school; Dramatic, Huge Head, Entertaining and a Friend zone expert. Thankfully, due to MSN Messenger, I can also touch type. 

Every cloud… 

To this day, I have some incredible friends who shared those days with me and we still laugh about it now. Yes lads, those are laughing tears, I promise.😂

You got to laugh!

Bry x


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